"I'm one of those who believes everything happens for a reason."
That's what my boss said to me today. Its his way of justifying why he got off course in his trail ultra and dropped out, despite being on record pace. He went on to run a sub 3 hour marathon in Portland a few weeks later. It was his fastest marathon in eight years on the 30th anniversary of when he ran his first marathon.
Everything happens for a reason.
I got injured and had to defer my 2009 Royal Victoria Marathon registration to 2010, despite being in the best shape of my life, because next year the race falls on 10/10/10. That's 3 10's. I will run 3:10 at Victoria next year.
Everything happens for a reason.
Sure, I can justify my stupidity however I please. No one is going to doubt me. They all feel sorry for me. The girl that was running so fast, who was looking so fit, its such a tragedy that she got injured. No. Me running with tight calves was not a tragedy. A tragedy is what happened to Jenny Crain two years ago. A tragedy is being an All-American runner, in the prime of your life, trying to qualify for the Olympics and getting hit by a car. A tragedy is being in a coma, living on life support, spending the rest of your life in a wheel chair. A tragedy having severe brain damage and never being the same person again. I have to remember and remain thankful for what I have. Perhaps getting injured now, saved me from a greater injury that lied in my future. Perhaps it was to help give me a greater respect for the sport. Perhaps it was to make me a smarter runner. Perhaps it was to rest my body now so I run even faster in the future.
Everything happens for a reason.
Or does it?
I used to believe that phrase. That's why I ended up in Eugene at the time that I did. That's why I didn't get into grad school. That's why I met the love of my life who lives 2000 miles away from me. Its because I was meant to be a coach not a writer at this time in my life, it was because there was going to be a job opening right when I wanted to move, it was because I was meant to meet the most influential running coaches in the business and learn from them, it was because I was suppose to meet Kelly and finally be cured of the injury that had ailed me for so many months in Wisconsin, it was because Kevin was going to get a job in Oregon.
Or does it?
I may not know the answer for months or perhaps years. This is the hardest part right now, waiting. Waiting for healing. Waiting for answers. Waiting for reasons. And not knowing. I am not a patient person. I have pleaded with God several times. Heal me in time for Victoria. Heal me for my Napa trail marathon. Just heal me!
Everything happens for a reason.
Ok. It will remain my mantra for now. But I'm growing weak. My faith is fading. My energy is draining. I am lacking motivation, positivity, and hope. My injury is minuscule in the scheme of things. There are much bigger catastrophes out there that make me sound like a whining wimp. "A marathon is a very personal thing," I was told this weekend. And its true. When you are running a marathon, its your whole world at the moment, but everyone else's life goes on. I like the image of the marathon going on in the heart of the city, but those driving outside of the city have no idea there's a marathon happening. The image of people upset that they have to take an alternate route to church because streets are blocked off for marathon runners. The silence of the the streets 24 hours before and 24 hours after the gun goes off. My pains are personal. Only I can deal with them. So I'll just keep repeating my mantra.
