Hello Friends,
Welcome to my blog. This is a way for me to share my writing and photography with others. Not all things on here have to do with running. I have been writing all my life as a way to express myself, deal with tough times, and live in my own fairy tale world. Pieces I post will be both new and old, published and unpublished. I'm excited to share this part of myself with others, because most do not know the writer/photographer side of me. I hope you enjoy!
Friday, January 30, 2009
A Silence Remembered
That night the air was quiet,
the silence seemed to last forever,
the silence seemed to last forever,
uninterrupted by anything;
A moment to always cherish.
When I looked into your eyes
that stared so deeply back into mine,
there was an unspoken message
that we both knew and heard.
The night grew long and time flew by,
although to us, it seemed to have stopped
in the star filled sky, there we stood
Like two star-crossed lovers,
that knew their time had finally come
and what they wanted...could never be.
Only we could hear and understand
everything that silence told us,
without either of us ever speaking a word.
And having that silence last for so long,
it's become the thing I always remember,
that I always hear...when I am missing you.
Silently Forgetting
Silence so loud
Shouting in my ears
A voice echoing
Around my mind
Rattling my brain
Your voice...
"Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!"
And my sore, swollen soul
And my black and blue heart
Aching, aching, aching
Silence now ringing
My ears still ringing,
Your rage still ringing,
Pain still ringing,
Emotions still ringing,
Tears still dripping
You stop,
You hold me
"Sorry, so so so
Sorry" for what you said.
And I begin...again
Forgiving, forgetting...
I'm always forgetting
Silence speaking softly
Early in the morning
Recalling the night...no
Justifying the night.
Silence that says
Being with you is
Always so much better
When you are sorry,
I always feel more loved
When you are sorry,
We are perfect
When you are sorry
And when I forget...
Addiction
I detest the unwelcome advisement that you slump onto me
Every-single-micro-second of my conscious and subconscious life
Telling me how much or how little,
Where I’ve failed or where I’ve succeeded,
But mostly where I have fallen short of your expectations for me,
And your illusion of my better life,
That to me is only misery and insanity,
And now I must fight to undo the damage,
That I have inflicted upon myself,
My relationships,
And retrieve my happiness-
That has dissipated like wet drops of an early morning rain
After the scalding sun has made full rise
Burning my white flesh into broiled red sores-
So is the way you feed off my emotions,
Like a cancer in the brain that distorts cognition and heart-
You make me love you, need you, depend on your advice,
So despite every day being a battle,
I can never win the war,
Because I’m always having to dance around the ring with you,
Taking blow after blow.
But every time you’ve knocked me down,
I’ve been able to get back up.
And I wonder why I can never punch you back as hard as you hit me.
Maybe because I don’t have the strength,
Or the stamina,
Or the endurance
To fight you any longer,
But I will not lay down my life to you,
Not yet,
Not until I know that I’ve reach down into the deepest part of my soul,
Grabbing the weapon of revenge
And used it on you one last time.
If then,
And only then,
You still survive my unwillingness,
I am yours.
Every-single-micro-second of my conscious and subconscious life
Telling me how much or how little,
Where I’ve failed or where I’ve succeeded,
But mostly where I have fallen short of your expectations for me,
And your illusion of my better life,
That to me is only misery and insanity,
And now I must fight to undo the damage,
That I have inflicted upon myself,
My relationships,
And retrieve my happiness-
That has dissipated like wet drops of an early morning rain
After the scalding sun has made full rise
Burning my white flesh into broiled red sores-
So is the way you feed off my emotions,
Like a cancer in the brain that distorts cognition and heart-
You make me love you, need you, depend on your advice,
So despite every day being a battle,
I can never win the war,
Because I’m always having to dance around the ring with you,
Taking blow after blow.
But every time you’ve knocked me down,
I’ve been able to get back up.
And I wonder why I can never punch you back as hard as you hit me.
Maybe because I don’t have the strength,
Or the stamina,
Or the endurance
To fight you any longer,
But I will not lay down my life to you,
Not yet,
Not until I know that I’ve reach down into the deepest part of my soul,
Grabbing the weapon of revenge
And used it on you one last time.
If then,
And only then,
You still survive my unwillingness,
I am yours.
Steve Prefontaine
Flip flop flap,
shoes brand new now crumble
under my flying feet,
but I take no notice,
so mentally into the race
that I’m physically not affected by reality.
Fast, faster, and fastest
spinning in 400 meter circles
I can only see gold;
it hangs in front of me like the rabbit to a greyhound
they say I’m delusional,
Munich will only give me Bronze,
but never underestimate—
I will die for this dream.
Twirling blindly, images mingled
into one blinding wisp,
yet, voices remain in unison:
Pre! Pre! Pre!
Last lap and I’m leading,
strength surpasses endurance,
but some dreams fall
fall
fall
fall
until they dissipate into the wind
and now I must live with Fourth forever.
Some get a second chance
I never did—
a life taken too soon,
but there will always be the legend
of the man who ran
“as if every race was his last.”
shoes brand new now crumble
under my flying feet,
but I take no notice,
so mentally into the race
that I’m physically not affected by reality.
Fast, faster, and fastest
spinning in 400 meter circles
I can only see gold;
it hangs in front of me like the rabbit to a greyhound
they say I’m delusional,
Munich will only give me Bronze,
but never underestimate—
I will die for this dream.
Twirling blindly, images mingled
into one blinding wisp,
yet, voices remain in unison:
Pre! Pre! Pre!
Last lap and I’m leading,
strength surpasses endurance,
but some dreams fall
fall
fall
fall
until they dissipate into the wind
and now I must live with Fourth forever.
Some get a second chance
I never did—
a life taken too soon,
but there will always be the legend
of the man who ran
“as if every race was his last.”
At the Starting Line
Published in The Cross Country Journal:
The air was still.
It was quiet.
We felt tired,
Nervous,
Nervous with anticipation and excitement.
Hearts pounding loud,
For the whole world to hear.
All warmed up, didn’t feel ready.
“15 seconds!”
Anticipatory murmurs.
Last “good lucks” are said.
The air was pressuring.
So many thoughts,
Voices.
Have to win,
Have to be the best.
So much pressure from friends and family,
Make us proud,
Be number one,
Don’t disappoint us.
The sun, bright, blinding,
Eyes watering.
You think,
“Just do your best.”
The air was chilling.
We were all wearing our uniforms,
Spandex and long-sleeved shirts underneath.
I placed my frozen foot behind the line.
Last minute stretching,
Last minute thinking.
“10..9..8..7..6..5..”
The starting official stops,
And raises his hand to the sky.
Arms out in front of me.
This is it,
Relax,
And breathe.
The air was still.
It was quiet.
We felt tired,
Nervous,
Nervous with anticipation and excitement.
Hearts pounding loud,
For the whole world to hear.
All warmed up, didn’t feel ready.
“15 seconds!”
Anticipatory murmurs.
Last “good lucks” are said.
The air was pressuring.
So many thoughts,
Voices.
Have to win,
Have to be the best.
So much pressure from friends and family,
Make us proud,
Be number one,
Don’t disappoint us.
The sun, bright, blinding,
Eyes watering.
You think,
“Just do your best.”
The air was chilling.
We were all wearing our uniforms,
Spandex and long-sleeved shirts underneath.
I placed my frozen foot behind the line.
Last minute stretching,
Last minute thinking.
“10..9..8..7..6..5..”
The starting official stops,
And raises his hand to the sky.
Arms out in front of me.
This is it,
Relax,
And breathe.
Elegy to a Long Distance Friend
(To anyone who has ever lost their favorite running shoe to a bad update, know that I sympathize with you.)
Farewell my long distance friend,
Goodbye my cushion
My support,
I will miss our rainy days together.
Through all the bumps along the road,
You were always there for me
And you never let me down.
I reminisce on those hot summer days,
On the dirt paved paths
You were right there
Pushing my limits
Past what I ever thought I could do.
I swear mountains I could climb
When you were beneath my feet.
I recall those early Saturday mornings
Before the rest of the world was awake,
My nerves would be shook, pulse racing
As you were waiting with me behind the starting line.
And at mile 19, when I didn’t think I could go on,
I knew that could depend on you.
Through all the ups and downs,
You always carried me to the finish
And got me there safe and sound.
But your time finally came,
As with anything that gets so abused.
I never meant to hurt you
Or break down your sole the way I did.
If only I knew what I know now
I would have bought ten pairs of you.
Farewell my long distance friend,
My runs will never be the same.
No update can ever replace you,
But I promise to search for you on eBay
And perhaps, we will race again together soon.
Farewell my long distance friend,
Goodbye my cushion
My support,
I will miss our rainy days together.
Through all the bumps along the road,
You were always there for me
And you never let me down.
I reminisce on those hot summer days,
On the dirt paved paths
You were right there
Pushing my limits
Past what I ever thought I could do.
I swear mountains I could climb
When you were beneath my feet.
I recall those early Saturday mornings
Before the rest of the world was awake,
My nerves would be shook, pulse racing
As you were waiting with me behind the starting line.
And at mile 19, when I didn’t think I could go on,
I knew that could depend on you.
Through all the ups and downs,
You always carried me to the finish
And got me there safe and sound.
But your time finally came,
As with anything that gets so abused.
I never meant to hurt you
Or break down your sole the way I did.
If only I knew what I know now
I would have bought ten pairs of you.
Farewell my long distance friend,
My runs will never be the same.
No update can ever replace you,
But I promise to search for you on eBay
And perhaps, we will race again together soon.
A Recipe for Success
Published in The Cross Country Journal:
1-2 c. natural talent
3 tbs. 1000 meter repeats
2 c. love for running
2 tsp. 400's
½ tsp. long runs
2 tsp. 800's
9 oz. pair running shoes
1 pinch spaghetti feeds
6 oz. pair spikes
1 pinch donut runs
2 tbs. hill workouts
Begin with a cup or two of natural talent
Stir in a love for running
Combine a pair of good running shoes
Creamed with one pair of spikes
Beat in two hill workouts
Mix with a few sets of 1000 meter repeats
Feel free to spice it up with long runs
Sifting in 400's and 800's on the track
Add a pinch of carbo-loading spaghetti feeds
Or a dash of Saturday morning donut runs
After all the ingredients have been added**
And mixed thoroughly until all doubts and fears are gone
Bake at a nice race day temperature of 50-60 degrees
For 15-20 minutes, time may vary depending on talent
Tastes best when served by race day.
** You can always add a little bit of your own flavor,
I prefer a few decorative medals
Resulting products may vary
Due to injuries and overtraining
If this is the case, do not throw out mixture
Just chill it for 2-6 weeks, practicing alternative recipes
Biking or swimming may taste just as good
Continue to add scoops of mental toughness
Remember, you can always start from scratch next season
1-2 c. natural talent
3 tbs. 1000 meter repeats
2 c. love for running
2 tsp. 400's
½ tsp. long runs
2 tsp. 800's
9 oz. pair running shoes
1 pinch spaghetti feeds
6 oz. pair spikes
1 pinch donut runs
2 tbs. hill workouts
Begin with a cup or two of natural talent
Stir in a love for running
Combine a pair of good running shoes
Creamed with one pair of spikes
Beat in two hill workouts
Mix with a few sets of 1000 meter repeats
Feel free to spice it up with long runs
Sifting in 400's and 800's on the track
Add a pinch of carbo-loading spaghetti feeds
Or a dash of Saturday morning donut runs
After all the ingredients have been added**
And mixed thoroughly until all doubts and fears are gone
Bake at a nice race day temperature of 50-60 degrees
For 15-20 minutes, time may vary depending on talent
Tastes best when served by race day.
** You can always add a little bit of your own flavor,
I prefer a few decorative medals
Resulting products may vary
Due to injuries and overtraining
If this is the case, do not throw out mixture
Just chill it for 2-6 weeks, practicing alternative recipes
Biking or swimming may taste just as good
Continue to add scoops of mental toughness
Remember, you can always start from scratch next season
A Christmas Poem
Where you are:
Snow crystals dance down to earth
Gathering footprints outside your window.
Midwestern clouds hide the stars tonight.
Where I am:
Rain droplets splash across asphalt streets,
Tires kick up the last leaves left from fall.
Northwestern clouds hide the stars tonight.
The Little Dipper ducks behind Nimbi,
Capricorn prances behind a Cumulus;
The starry blanket that binds us is hidden this Christmas
Behind clouds of rain and snow.
I search the skies for something close to you,
But there is nothing I can see.
I step away from the fogged window,
Moonlight seeps through the blinds
Illuminating the loneliness in my room.
I am alone this Christmas.
Baby, I’m coming home soon;
I’ll fly over these clouds that hide the stars between us.
No rain or snow can stop me.
But tonight I will settle
For these dreams of you that dance in my head.
Merry Christmas my heart.
Snow crystals dance down to earth
Gathering footprints outside your window.
Midwestern clouds hide the stars tonight.
Where I am:
Rain droplets splash across asphalt streets,
Tires kick up the last leaves left from fall.
Northwestern clouds hide the stars tonight.
The Little Dipper ducks behind Nimbi,
Capricorn prances behind a Cumulus;
The starry blanket that binds us is hidden this Christmas
Behind clouds of rain and snow.
I search the skies for something close to you,
But there is nothing I can see.
I step away from the fogged window,
Moonlight seeps through the blinds
Illuminating the loneliness in my room.
I am alone this Christmas.
Baby, I’m coming home soon;
I’ll fly over these clouds that hide the stars between us.
No rain or snow can stop me.
But tonight I will settle
For these dreams of you that dance in my head.
Merry Christmas my heart.
A Poem on a Whim
I lie awake in this bed,
Wrapped only by the warmth of blankets
The dusk has brought frost,
Wrapping the green earth in it
And I am alone in this dark room once again.
Outside the stars that you can see clearly
Twinkle in a backdrop of deep black sky,
But here they are hidden
By the Northwestern winter clouds.
Thoughts of you permeate my mind
Into the early morning hours.
I am restless, I cannot sleep.
Wondrous images of you and me seep in and out,
These only making this heart of mine ache more.
I want to share this blanket with you,
I want to see those night stars shine in your eyes.
My fingertips long for your skin,
And my neck for your hot breath.
Goodnight my distant heart
I hope your sleep finds you soundly.
And do not worry about me,
For I know when I close my eyes,
There you will be.
Now I lay me down to sleep
Where I pray my soul to keep
And stay inside this dream
Where your arms are wrapped around me
Or so it seems
Two-thousand miles apart
Outside this peaceful daze
No, I in this dream I choose to stay
In the morning light, I will not wake
until I know,
You will be laying by my side.
So I open my eyes and there you’ll be
I miss you so much it hurts
So in this sleep I remain
Because here I do not miss you
Wrapped only by the warmth of blankets
The dusk has brought frost,
Wrapping the green earth in it
And I am alone in this dark room once again.
Outside the stars that you can see clearly
Twinkle in a backdrop of deep black sky,
But here they are hidden
By the Northwestern winter clouds.
Thoughts of you permeate my mind
Into the early morning hours.
I am restless, I cannot sleep.
Wondrous images of you and me seep in and out,
These only making this heart of mine ache more.
I want to share this blanket with you,
I want to see those night stars shine in your eyes.
My fingertips long for your skin,
And my neck for your hot breath.
Goodnight my distant heart
I hope your sleep finds you soundly.
And do not worry about me,
For I know when I close my eyes,
There you will be.
Now I lay me down to sleep
Where I pray my soul to keep
And stay inside this dream
Where your arms are wrapped around me
Or so it seems
Two-thousand miles apart
Outside this peaceful daze
No, I in this dream I choose to stay
In the morning light, I will not wake
until I know,
You will be laying by my side.
So I open my eyes and there you’ll be
I miss you so much it hurts
So in this sleep I remain
Because here I do not miss you
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