Addiction

I detest the unwelcome advisement that you slump onto me
Every-single-micro-second of my conscious and subconscious life
Telling me how much or how little,
Where I’ve failed or where I’ve succeeded,
But mostly where I have fallen short of your expectations for me,
And your illusion of my better life,
That to me is only misery and insanity,
And now I must fight to undo the damage,
That I have inflicted upon myself,
My relationships,
And retrieve my happiness-
That has dissipated like wet drops of an early morning rain
After the scalding sun has made full rise
Burning my white flesh into broiled red sores-
So is the way you feed off my emotions,
Like a cancer in the brain that distorts cognition and heart-
You make me love you, need you, depend on your advice,
So despite every day being a battle,
I can never win the war,
Because I’m always having to dance around the ring with you,
Taking blow after blow.
But every time you’ve knocked me down,
I’ve been able to get back up.
And I wonder why I can never punch you back as hard as you hit me.
Maybe because I don’t have the strength,
Or the stamina,
Or the endurance
To fight you any longer,
But I will not lay down my life to you,
Not yet,
Not until I know that I’ve reach down into the deepest part of my soul,
Grabbing the weapon of revenge
And used it on you one last time.
If then,
And only then,
You still survive my unwillingness,
I am yours.