Never, ever, ever give up, like ever.

I don't mean to go all Taylor Swift on you, but I have come to terms with the idea that if you want to reach your goals you can't give up. Even when you really really want to and you are hating life at the moment because it seems like everything that could go wrong in a workout is going wrong, you need to hang in there. I'm speaking for myself, of course. There have been a lot of workouts in the past month that I wanted to give up during, and I mentally did give up during. There were many times when I thought about how it would be so much easier just to do one more interval and stop short of the 4 intervals I actually had left, but I am not a quitter. If there's one thing that nags at my ego more than not reaching my workout or race goal, it's quitting before I even try. Sure, there have been workouts that I probably should have stopped. There have been conditions that I shouldn't have run in. There have been surfaces that I shouldn't have tried to hit goal pace on. There have been people that I shouldn't have been trying to keep up with. There have even been races that I should not have entered, but doing those things anyway, have led me to now. Pushing through pain and mental fatigue, and completing even the smallest of bench marks along the way have led me to this point in my training.

Flash back to a month ago. I could not run a 6 mile tempo at 6:45 pace to save my life (literally, I think if a bear was chasing me on that late August workout, I would have been mauled without even putting up a fight). That day I just barely hit 6:47 average and I ran positive splits the whole way. Despite the idea being "tempo", I ran with a 5K effort the whole way and almost threw up on more than one occasion. I wanted to quit that day. The only thing that stopped me from bagging it early was the fact that I had to get back to my car somehow whether I walked or ran and running just seemed faster. I stubbornly finished the workout exhausted and sulking for weeks afterward.

In one month, so much can happen. Every time I ran a workout, I got very nervous. I would start beating myself up before it even began. Yet, I kept running those workouts. I kept pushing myself. I backed off and only ran 4 miles for my next tempo. My average pace was a little bit better: low 6:40's. I had a good ladder workout and hill workout in the subsequent weeks that really built my confidence. I tried to ignore the fact that these were interval workouts and I had rest in between to aid my faster splits. I ran a 5 mile tempo and brought my average down into the 6:30's. It was still hard and not how I felt a tempo should feel. Yet, I knew I was making progress and if I keep pushing myself, eventually I would not feel this way. Finally, last week, I ran the dreaded 6 mile tempo again....this time in 6:25 pace! It felt uncomfortably comfortable, the way a tempo should feel. What was even more incredible was that I paced with Kevin the whole way and finished my last mile in 6:10, and it felt good! Looking back at the past month, I realize that even though I was frustrated and tired, every one of those tempo runs I have run in between this one and the first one has been steadily getting faster and faster with less and less effort. I also realized that I had never given up, despite wanting to so many times. I just kept fighting and it paid off.

My long runs have been going in the same direction. I started out having a hard time hitting 7's in the middle of an 18 miler. Two weeks later I was able to average 12 miles at 6:54 pace in the middle of a 20 miler, but it took lots of effort and I wanted to quit early. My brain kept telling my body to only run 10 miles @ gmp and call it good, but I decided to push through even if some of the miles dropped down to 7 or 7:10's. Last week I ran 22 miles with 5 miles that were suppose to be at 6:50 pace and 2 miles at 6:30. The 6:50's felt really easy, and I was able to converse most of the way with the guy who had planned the workout. We hit all 5 miles between 6:45-6:50. Then the last 2 miles were between 6:20-6:30. Again, it felt challenging, but doable. This run followed two days after the 6 mile tempo at 6:25 pace workout and four days after a hill repeat workout.

This past Tuesday I had incredible heart burn and fatigue. The kind of stuff that made me concerned for my overall health. I had been under a lot of stress lately and felt anemic. I had been taking iron supplements, but I still felt lethargic and could barely bring myself run at all, let alone run 5x1600@hmp w/400m recovery. I did it though. On bark. In the pouring rain. Again, I paced with Kevin. He led 3 of the laps and I led 2. His laps took us between 6:18-6:23. My two laps were both 6:15's. (So it ended up being a 10K pace workout if you factor in the mushy trail). Again, I felt crappy from the waist up, but my legs felt fine despite slipping all over in the mud. My brain kept telling me to quit early. It told me I was sick and weak and this was not helping me but only hurting me. It came up with all kinds of excuses that cause the burning feeling in my chest to worsen. Yet, I pushed through the mental negativity since my legs felt good and finished the workout. Here's the funny thing, the next day my legs were sore from the mushy trail, but my heartburn and fatigue were gone. After focusing on how well I ran despite adversity and getting a good nights sleep, my brain calmed down and so did my anxiety and symptoms.

This Sunday I have a 10 mile race. I originally was going into this race with the mindset that I could not break 65 minutes and I would treat it as a workout. I still don't think that going in with that mindset is a bad thing if it helps keep me calm between today and race day, especially since were are suppose to face remnants of a typhoon for weather that day. Yet, after these past few weeks, I now believe that my body is capable of something greater (again weather permitting). My ultimate goal would be to latch onto Kevin and stay with him the whole way. I may take a more conservative approach, though, and start at 6:30 pace with our friend Steve, and work my way down to lower 6:20's.

I do have to take a moment hear to confess that my one rock through this training cycle has been Kevin. He's talked me off the edge of the cliff more than one time (more like 2 dozen times!), and having him there in workouts as a target to focus on has kept me moving forward. At first I would think, "just don't lose sight up him." Now I think, "just don't lose contact with him." Pacing with him has made running workouts fun again! When we can, we may muster a short conversation, or get competitive and push each other harder, or just enjoy the fact that we have someone to pace with after we've lost the rest of the group. I no longer have the ultimate goal of beating Kevin in a race (not that I won't try, because I always need to be challenging myself), but for now, just keeping up with him and putting enough fear in him that he keeps trying to get faster is my goal. You see, if I get faster than my training partner, then I won't be able to train with him. Kevin needs to keep getting faster, so that I keep getting faster!

No matter what happens in my upcoming race, I know that I will be giving it my best shot and will not be quitting. I'm over that mental quitting stuff! I have proven to myself that I am in good shape, that I've put in the hard work, and I can reach my goals. Yo, Brain! Get prepared because this body is ready to rock!